i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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