I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize