life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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