HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
