can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize