Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
