remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
