Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
