She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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