He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
