and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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