He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.