i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.