also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet