I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
