I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
