I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
