I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
as a side note pls kill me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
