Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
