her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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