are you so shy because you have an std?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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