I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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