You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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