I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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