the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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