After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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