Can i not drive my cunt home
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
