Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he was CRYING into my vagina
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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