hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
