I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
