i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize