I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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