Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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