I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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