Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
