I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me