to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.