M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.