UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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