i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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