It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
