How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize