i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
