there's paper in my vomit.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
