I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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