Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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