are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize