I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
