Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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