Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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