My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize