I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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