those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
