his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
